PHOTO PROMPT © CEAyr
When did it happen?
Was it recently or had it started a long time beforehand: slowly corrupting and defiling, gnawing away until ruination was complete?
Was it his fault?
Was it mine?
What, specifically, had I done?
Or what had I failed to do?
Something I had taken for granted?
Too much alcohol?
Not enough fruit?
Why me?
Why not the skanky tart in the house next door?
The drug-taking, boozy slag. She abandons her kids (fathered by three different men), to bring themselves up while she parties. Why should she be able to conceive and not me?
Word Count: 98
Written for Friday Fictioneers – a 100 words story based on a photo prompt. Hosted by Rochelle. Read the other entries here.
Clare Hempstead 
Very powerful writing.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you. I really appreciate your comment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Clare,
That last line is a sucker punch. Great build up to it. I can remember feeling that way many moons ago. Very well written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Rochelle. Thanks for such a lovely comment. I’m sorry you experienced this – it must be awful. I think the last line is too long and the reader probably stalls over it. I will probably edit it when I can think of a better way of writing it!
LikeLike
Please feel free to delete this comment. Clare.
If you really want to shorten the last line, I suggest you split it in two.
Replace the first ‘Why should’ with, for example ‘Look at’, then put a full stop after ‘parties’.
But it works as it is.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I certainly won’t delete the comment! I am grateful for your suggestion and have edited accordingly. 🙂
LikeLike
I have often wondered the same thing – life is not always fair, is it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, it certainly isn’t at times! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bitterness never wins out in the end, but I really feel for her, great writing. And I learned a new word [Skanky]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks very much. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Skanky is a great word isn’t it?!
LikeLike
So easy to let your mind wander down these routes when things go so badly – so easy to say why me, to feel the injustice of it. Very well summed up, Clare – you conveyed the sad, bitter feelings very well
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Lynne. I wanted to show the various feelings: when, how, whose fault and then anger and bitterness. I’m glad this came across.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure. A great story and your thoughts came through well
LikeLike
That’s pretty much a thought process I can identify with. Very realistic, Clare.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Sandra. Sorry, it struck a chord with you.
LikeLike
Oh that last line slices through the heart Clare. Brilliant.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Louise. I can only imagine how it must feel.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sad, bitter, clever.
Well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks CE. I’m glad the emotions came through.
LikeLike
Powerful insight into the mind of a woman unable to have children. Love how you left it to the very last line to explain what exactly was going on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Draliman. I wasn’t sure when I started where it was going myself!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I felt like I really got into the mind of the character. Well written.Tough subject
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks very much. It can’t be easy to see other people who don’t look after their children, knowing you would make a much better mother.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, that can’t be easy at all 😦
LikeLike
This is a brilliant write, the inner monologue is such a good way to build up toward a conclusion.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for such a lovely comment, Bjorn.
LikeLike
Good posts, beautiful blog.
Congratulations.
Welcome to see my creations:
http://paintdigi.wordpress.com
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks very much.
LikeLike
You’r welcome 🍁
LikeLike
Oh, that last line pulled this all together so very well. Kudos.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much.
LikeLike
Now that isn’t fair at all. I can truly sense her agony. Well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Amy.
LikeLike
Oh, it sounds quite like me! I ruminate – too much. Well done!
Lily
LikeLike
Thank you! 🙂
LikeLike
A powerful description of questioning and blaming. It could apply to a lot of things in life but your story is the most personal one. Well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for such a lovely comment 😀
LikeLike
You capture feeling, emotion and self doubt brilliantly in so few words. I have known people feeling like this and you’ve nailed it. Well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. That’s a lovely comment to receive 😀
LikeLike
Interesting metaphorical take! I liked the surprise of the rough language in her head–it drew me further into the story.
LikeLike
This is so sad but also true of the way life deals us a hand isn’t it?
LikeLike
That is a very good question.
LikeLike
Very sad and the bitter truth. So many people who shouldn’t have children have too many, and those who would be great parents can’t have them. Great story.
LikeLike
I’m sure many women feel that way. I can imagine it’s heartbreaking. I’ve felt blessed as I had to have a blood transfusion with my first child, our son. They didn’t know about testing for aids in 1976. Some poor mothers and their children weren’t as fortunate. Good writing, Clare. —- Suzanne
LikeLike